In hoping around the Heimetar region yesterday, I decided to make a pit stop in Illinfrik, home to TEARS corp Sect Or, and a place I haven’t stopped in to in a while.

My first scan of Illinfrik got me a couple of hits, including a very, very tasty looking Armageddon Navy Issue. My eyes lit up. Warping into the ANI’s gate-less mission, I found he was running it with a Rokh and Drake, all three from the same corp. Ignoring caution, I immediately set about looting and salvage at will in my rupture. All three immediately locked me up, but sadly no shots were fired. So, I decided to poke around a bit more, orbiting, bumping, and generally harassing them, before moving on.

I popped around to a few more hits, but I just kept coming back to the ILM guys because that Navy Geddon was such a tempting target. There’s one goal that’s been eluding me in Eve, which is to take down a faction battleship. I’ve had a couple “almosts” (including an officer fit nightmare that somehow while fighting I manged to desync from and find myself at his optimal =/ ), but never a solid faction-shiny kill. Industrial Laser Mining, however, was about to change that for me.

Finally, after about the 4th time party-crashing their mission…success! Amazingly, the Navy Geddon was the first one to go red, and I immediately pointed him and started laying down the pew. Of course, soon after both the Drake and the Rokh went red too, and although pretty far away from me, sent their drones out. I had both my medium armor reppers going full steam but I soon realized there was just no way a single cruiser was going to take out 2 battleships and a Drake. Luckily, no one in this party had fitted any points, so I recalled drones and bailed.

Through the whole thing though, I’d been talking to Sarkor Nafaar, Sect Or’s CEO, and he pipped up that he had an alt handy with an Onieros. Perfect. I immediately repped up and headed back to the mission.

Quite surprisingly actually, they were ALL still there, including the Navy Geddon. Calm and composed, I very cooly asked for armor rep assistance:

Aiden Mourn > bring on the rr and warp to me
Aiden Mourn > now
Aiden Mourn > now
Aiden Mourn > nownownow?
Aiden Mourn > naaaooww?
Aiden Mourn > prease?
Sarkor Nafaar > otw
BM Dublyoo > lol, i’m otw too more for moral support

You see? Cool as a freaking cucumber sometimes. Just call me Paul Newman.

BM Dublyoo decided to come along too seeing as he was in the area, with a Cyclone fitted out with 1 shield transfer, purely for aggro-grabbing assistance. As I pointed the ANI, Sarkor’s alt in an Onieros, Sarkor himself in a RR Phoon, and BM with the shield transfer of doom all landed and started reps on my little Rupture; really completely overkill in the rr department, but hilarious.

I was pounding on the ANI but it became apparent soon that there was no way I was going to crack his tank with my DPS. Suddenly though, BM started getting shot at by the Rokh, who he quickly locked up. I kept point on the ANI but sent my drones to assist and two of us made surprisingly short work of the Rokh (was that tank even on?).

For some reason, the Drake was still around, doing absolutely no damage to me, and in no way assisting his friend. Sgi, the ANI pilot, decided he would take matters into his own hands however, and somehow decided that shooting BM’s Cyclone was the next step in liberating himself from the situation, which only resulted in BM now shooting him as well.

Tears started to flow in local:

Sgi > come on guys  I gotta go to work
Sgi > can we pick this up later

Sounds legit to me, right? I opened a convo to see about getting some cash out of this pressed-for-time bear:

Sgi > can we pick this up later I have to go to work
Aiden Mourn > i guess we could work something out
Aiden Mourn > like you turning off your reppers and making this go faster
Sgi > lets do somethin you guys can have the salvage I gotta bolt
Aiden Mourn > hmm
Aiden Mourn > salvage
Aiden Mourn > or geddon navy issue
Aiden Mourn > tough chioce dude
Aiden Mourn > can I think about it?
Sgi > I can tank you guys all day , lets just  fight later , I gotta go
Aiden Mourn > ok cya
Sgi > I will tell my guys to back off  ok

Because they were such a boon to his defense “strategy”. Sgi continued to not get it, and kept offering to “let me” have his mission salvage :p .

Aiden Mourn > ok
Sgi > ok ?
Aiden Mourn > and then you either pay me
Aiden Mourn > or turn your reppers off
Aiden Mourn > I hate to tell you, buts thats the only way this is going to play out
Sgi > take the loot  , thats what started all this
Aiden Mourn > funny how things escalate
Aiden Mourn > the way i see it though, ANI loot is way better than pleasure hub loot
Aiden Mourn > agreed?
Sgi > yeah it is , just wanted to get a mi9ssion in before work , we dont want a war over this and you dont eather, not with my alliance

Uhoh….do I smell a dec-threat? Indeed! I could also begin to smell Sgi’s desperation due to his time-constraint, and I kept pressing him for isk.

Aiden Mourn > a terrifying thought to be sure
Aiden Mourn > for real though
Aiden Mourn > turn the reppers off
Sgi > notice I am not even firing on you
Aiden Mourn > and this will be over soon
Aiden Mourn > ok, youre ging to die here
Aiden Mourn > 450mil
Aiden Mourn > and that changes

Sgi continues to be obstinate though, and I decide on a new plan. Seeing as both BM and I had aggro on him at this point, I left BM to scram him while I warped out to change for bigger pew. Apparently I had a random, and very oddly fit nano-shield-kiting-sort-of Hurricane sitting in a station in Illinfrik, so I decided that would do and grabbed it. Returning with bigger boom-boom power, Sgi really started to melt, and the tears really started flowing:

Sgi > you kill this ship we go to war
Aiden Mourn > sounds like a deal

As Sgi’s tank slowly started to fail, he apparently decided it wasn’t failing fast enough and decided to shoot Sarkor’s RR Phoon. The ANI’s tank bombed at that point and a very shiny explosion ensued.

As Sarkor snagged the loot, BM and I both realized that the Drake pilot was STILL THERE, and proceeded to very quickly lock and dispatch him as well. I returned to my convo with Sgi for more tears:

Aiden Mourn > so….its a date then?
Aiden Mourn > =P
Sgi > oh yeah , the rest of the pvp alliance is going to have some fun with you guys
Aiden Mourn > should i bring something?
Aiden Mourn > wine?
Aiden Mourn > mich ultra?
Sgi > yes please
Aiden Mourn > awesome
Aiden Mourn > well, gf
Aiden Mourn > you actually did ok until you all started shooting everyone
Sgi > that was my best mission ship you know
Aiden Mourn > I would assume so
Aiden Mourn > was hoping for some better drops
Aiden Mourn > but it’ll do
Aiden Mourn > http://tears.evekb.co.uk/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=1545705
Aiden Mourn > so when should i be expecting this wardec exactly?
Sgi > soon
Aiden Mourn > soon as in, “you’re on it right now”? or soon like “you really have no say in these types of matters but youre going to bitch and whine to your CEO and directors about deccing us”
Aiden Mourn > Cause I’ve gotta say, im leaning towards door number 2
Sgi > I have full rights , just talking to the other corps atm
Aiden Mourn > of course

To add complete and utter insult to injury, Orions Lord in corp chat pointed out that beyond the 1.14 billion isk loss on ILM’s part, it appears Sgi dropped his damsel in distress as well.

Aiden Mourn > so hey
Aiden Mourn > while we’re talking business
Sgi > ?
Aiden Mourn > would you like your damsel?
Aiden Mourn > =)
Aiden Mourn > she seems to have dropped when your big shiny expensive ship went poof
Sgi > keep it . dont act like that was easy . it took 3 of you to take me down

lol.

Aiden Mourn > well, it took 2
Aiden Mourn > the phoon was just overkill
Aiden Mourn > but anyways
Aiden Mourn > potatoes potahtoes  I guess.
Aiden Mourn > So…is that a no on the damsel?
Sgi > later I have to go to work
Aiden Mourn > have a super day!

So final tally for ILM stands at 1.14bil in losses (including my much sought-after faction BS trophy), a damsel in distress (and I’m assuming a failed mission now as well), a fail-threat, and a very nice bucket of delicious tears. Also its now been 24 hrs now, and I’m still waiting for that war-dec notification, so if anyone from ILM or Crimson Coalition Alliance is reading this, you might want to drop Sgi a line and see what the holdup is.

Much thanks to BM Dublyoo and Sarkor for the assistance and help. Remember kids, the best ship in eve is friendship (particularly the kind that come with Onieroses ;) )

o7,

-Aiden

A few days ago, in some miraculous alignment of the stars, karma, and pure comedy, a certain aystra cemented his place in the annals of Eve by managing to lose 74 PLEXs at once while trying to move them all together out of Jita. With the recent changes to PLEX, something hilarious like this had to happen at some point sooner or later, but seeing it at this scale is absolutely mind-blowing. Current in-game prices have PLEX trading at around 320 mil each, making this a loss in the range of 23 billion isk.

Lets just all take a moment and collectively say in our most humble gamer-lingo what we’re all thinking: “lolz”.

While I would normally be more than content to sit back, sip a cocktail, and enjoy the sweet and tangy tears flowing freely, the sheer amount of ridiculous feedback on this one makes me feel compelled to respond.

The biggest complainers (those fun-hating naysayers, downers, and general party-poopers) have essentially said that in allowing aystra to lose his 23bil isk ($1,200, or six years of game time!) without compensation or reimbursement, CCP have in fact been paid for a service they did not in any way actually provide. This is definitely a debatable point, but take into account the game we’re talking about here. Eve is the cruel bitch-mistress of the MMO world; the place where literally years worth of time and effort can be lost or taken in moments. So, fun-haters, I see your pseudo-point and raise you one “welcome to Eve”.

You can cry all you want about broken game mechanics and CCP greed (no really, keep crying), but this ultimately comes down to pure, unbridled stupidity. Go ahead and ask yourself what state of complete brain disconnection you’d have to be in to undock 23 billion isk in an untanked frigate. In Jita. WHILE AT WAR. Exactly. I’m honestly having trouble coming up with a dumber move.

Of course, this highly amusing turn of events also begs a larger question: are PLEX worth more than simply the 320mil or so isk they trade for in game? Well, yes and no.

In theory, no, PLEX are in-game items that may be bought or sold or lost like any other. You can at any point turn that PLEX (like for instance a piece of faction loot) into isk, which in turn can buy you a shiny new ship, which you can of course, lose. The one distinction that PLEX have over other items is that whatever state the market is in, you can be sure that they are ALWAYS good for one thing: 30 days of paid game-time.

However, at some point, someone, somewhere, payed actual money for this “game item”, beyond their basic monthly subscription. So yes, in allowing PLEX to become a trade-able, move-able item, CCP has in fact created a middle zone, a gray area of “RL worth”. This makes getting a PLEX blown out of your ship, theoretically, a RL monetary hit. $14.95 is a 1/2 tank of gas, a new record, or a bus ticket to see a friend, and the fact that CCP has just opened the floodgates for people of extreme stupidity to actually lose real life money in a game is in my opinion, totally awesome.

Obviously, to a certain degree, I’m a little biased. I’m inclined to see gigantic losses in this game due to stupidity as highly entertaining. It’s my nature, and its the nature of the way I play this game. Also, PLEX have no real bearing on my game as I don’t use them at all. Beyond my monthly subscription, I see no reason to spend real money on in-game currencies, and as an adult with a full-time job (well, two actually), $15 a month for each of my accounts isn’t really bank breaking, and I would much rather sit on large piles of ill-begotten isk than spend it on game time.

So let the tears flow I say! “Broken game mechanic”? “Receiving payment for services NOT rendered”? Please. CCP, I thank and tip my cap to you for imposing the most hilarious Darwin-threshold on a game that I’ve ever even heard of. Bravo.

o7,

-Aiden

p.s. pardon the post title, it was just too obvious a pun to ignore ;)

We here at SN have been saying this for years, so its about time everyone else caught up. Not only are tears sweet, savory, and excellent fuel for your spaceship, it would appear that they are in fact good for you.

Selfless, really, the things we do for you ungrateful little mission bears ;).

o7,

-Aiden

Tears; that sweet sweet nectar that sustains the Ninja. To say that the definition of tears is simply “you crying about something someone did to you” would be shortsighted. More specifically, “Tears” are the raging, overly-emotional manifestations of your frustration, recognized self-stupidity, and feelings of injustice at those who have liberated you of isk, assets, time, or dignity.

We at Suddenly Ninjas and TEARS take the extraction, harvesting, and processing of these tears quite seriously, as its an area that we’ve become pretty damn good at. As such, we like to do things that encourage each other, new ninjas and old vets alike, to hone our skills at the art of the boo-hoo. One such time-honored and predictably hilarious event is the Suddenly Ninjas monthly “Best Carebear Tears” competition. After a bit of time on the back-burner, I’ve recently decided to reinstate this tradition of Ninja prowess.

Tears do come in all shapes and sizes, from outright whining and cries of despair, to rage-infused threats of real-life bodily harm, to (one my favorites!) flippantly downplaying your loss no matter how mind-boggling the price-tag, claiming to have “like 5 more” of those faction fit CNRs, and attempting to reverse the situation on your ninja, as if somehow your sad attempt at “denial of tears” makes those stinging salty drops that are clearly rolling down your cheeks any less tasty.

Now, tears that embody ALL of those attributes, as well as a host of other including I believe all 5 stages of grief….now THOSE are tears worthy of being declared “The Best Carebear Tears” of the month. So without further ado, I give you the winning tears of the Suddenly Ninjas “Best Carebear Tears Competition” for April 2010. Congratulation to Orions Lord for his lovely examples from Elf Lord (double points for WoW-crossover tears).

I went ahead and bolded some of my favorite bits, and the complete spectrum of tears that this guy spouts out is simply breath-taking; from talking like a potty-mouthed 12 year old to speaking like like a cultured English aristocrat, bragging about his massive wealth and power, and even tossing in the token mother joke! Elf Lord, we salute you for your utter douche-baggery and ass-hattitude. Behold, and enjoy

Well I have some tears from elf lord I killed his iteron he raged for hours.

Well we from TEARS killed him a couple of time already.

[ 2010.04.23 20:05:55 ] Orions lord > just try it elf
[ 2010.04.23 20:06:57 ] Orions lord > gf

[ 2010.04.23 20:12:46 ] Elf Lord > Hi dick head. if you thouhgt for a sec that I didn’t expect that to be a trap, you are stupider than I thought. Why do you think I sent a cheep ass itty istead of something bigger? oh and you may Me 600.000.00 in insurance.
[ 2010.04.23 20:13:57 ] Orions lord > wait
[ 2010.04.23 20:13:58 ] Elf Lord > what you figure that when I simply abandon those ship after you stool from them and did’nt attack you would get Me to retaliatae buy stealing from you and lose a BS?
[ 2010.04.23 20:14:32 ] Orions lord > http://tears.evekb.co.uk/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=1362442
[ 2010.04.23 20:14:46 ] Orions lord > 17mil loss i hope you enjoy the 600k
[ 2010.04.23 20:15:03 ] Elf Lord > Orion you are about as dumb as a retard can get and still live.
[ 2010.04.23 20:15:12 ] Orions lord > thank you
[ 2010.04.23 20:15:28 ] Orions lord > I take that as a compliment
[ 2010.04.23 20:16:18 ] Elf Lord > 17 Mill? how do you figure that?
[ 2010.04.23 20:16:24 ] Mortalitis > u mad?
[ 2010.04.23 20:16:30 ] Elf Lord > it was an itty you waste of cum
[ 2010.04.23 20:16:40 ] Mortalitis > lol
[ 2010.04.23 20:16:43 ] Mirasta > i loled also
[ 2010.04.23 20:16:49 ] Orions lord > rigs
[ 2010.04.23 20:16:56 ] Orions lord > you forgot about that
[ 2010.04.23 20:16:57 ] Elf Lord > oh please
[ 2010.04.23 20:16:58 ] Sicarius Mortus > hey Elf Lord, you kiss your mother with that mouth? ;)
[ 2010.04.23 20:17:05 ] Elf Lord > those were free.
[ 2010.04.23 20:17:16 ] Elf Lord > they cost Me not a cent.
[ 2010.04.23 20:17:26 ] Elf Lord > ROLFMAO
[ 2010.04.23 20:17:47 ] Elf Lord > that entire ship was free and everything on it.
[ 2010.04.23 20:17:58 ] Orions lord > well why so angry
[ 2010.04.23 20:17:58 ] Mortalitis > but you could have sold the ship
[ 2010.04.23 20:18:09 ] Mirasta > He Mad
[ 2010.04.23 20:18:14 ] Elf Lord > ya it was more fun making Orion look like the putz he really is
[ 2010.04.23 20:18:27 ] Mirasta > Whats a Putz?
[ 2010.04.23 20:18:46 ] Mirasta > its that like a VaJayJay?
[ 2010.04.23 20:18:47 ] Elf Lord > and I damn sure don’t need 20 Million that I wouldn’t fail me
[ 2010.04.23 20:18:57 ] Orions lord > http://tears.evekb.co.uk/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=1333825
[ 2010.04.23 20:19:01 ] Orions lord > 337 mil
[ 2010.04.23 20:19:05 ] Elf Lord > Jewish term for stupid beyond believe
[ 2010.04.23 20:19:25 ] Orions lord > http://tears.evekb.co.uk/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=1333863
[ 2010.04.23 20:19:29 ] Orions lord > 284mil
[ 2010.04.23 20:19:32 ] Mortalitis > n1
[ 2010.04.23 20:19:51 ] Orions lord > You have lost already half a billion on me LOL
[ 2010.04.23 20:20:49 ] Elf Lord > and so have you you duffs are have you forgotten the 2 ships of yours I killed?
[ 2010.04.23 20:21:10 ] Orions lord > my thorax you mean
[ 2010.04.23 20:21:21 ] Orions lord > loss 40mil
[ 2010.04.23 20:21:22 ] Elf Lord > and I have 10 Billion more that I can use to fuck with you whne I get into the mose
[ 2010.04.23 20:21:36 ] Mirasta > mose?
[ 2010.04.23 20:21:46 ] Mirasta > Is That another word For VaJayJay
[ 2010.04.23 20:21:49 ] Orions lord > So I dont see the problem just go on mining then
[ 2010.04.23 20:21:50 ] Elf Lord > and you buddies ship and that the thing I killed was no thorax
[ 2010.04.23 20:22:18 ] Elf Lord > ya mose mode pluss loose mose
[ 2010.04.23 20:22:30 ] Mortalitis > what?
[ 2010.04.23 20:22:37 ] Elf Lord > or the big deer I can never remember
[ 2010.04.23 20:22:49 ] Mirasta > I dont even Know what
[ 2010.04.23 20:23:15 ] Elf Lord > oh and the 15 mins is up so we can all go outside and play, all freiendly like.
[ 2010.04.23 20:23:23 ] Orions lord > sure
[ 2010.04.23 20:23:28 ] Orions lord > hello elf
[ 2010.04.23 20:23:32 ] Orions lord > hows it going
[ 2010.04.23 20:23:59 ] Elf Lord > ok some one is in kooky land
[ 2010.04.23 20:24:08 ] Elf Lord > and It ain’t Me
[ 2010.04.23 20:24:27 ] Orions lord > give me a hint plzzz
[ 2010.04.23 20:25:33 ] Elf Lord > no more fun lettting you try thinking. more than likely it makes your head hurt and thats fun also
[ 2010.04.23 20:26:20 ] Orions lord > whose mose
[ 2010.04.23 20:26:57 ] Elf Lord > damn are you totally illerate?
[ 2010.04.23 20:27:15 ] Orions lord > Just go mining for us sir

[ 2010.04.23 20:29:39 ] Elf Lord > lets put it this way, I am 59 kicked back drinking a 750.00 bottle of Single Malt Whiskey and smoking a Rocky Patel Cigar. I have over 10 Billion in My accout in in a week I could buy a trillion more plex/isk. you are a learning exercise no more and no

[ 2010.04.23 20:30:03 ] Elf Lord > less. so carry on with your games I am actually having fun designing ships.

[ 2010.04.23 20:30:19 ] Mortalitis > throw me a £1000, im poor
[ 2010.04.23 20:31:24 ] Elf Lord > sorry chap I don’t do Charity work. It does not one whit of good. Be there did that watched the moeny wasted. bit late there sir.
[ 2010.04.23 20:31:24 ] Orions lord > Elf Lord I can beat that I just got laid
[ 2010.04.23 20:31:51 ] Commander Spax > neither a borrower nor lender be :-D
[ 2010.04.23 20:32:17 ] Orions lord > smoking is bad a to much drinking also elf
[ 2010.04.23 20:32:30 ] Elf Lord > really? some serville young thing dumber than you? how much did she cost?
[ 2010.04.23 20:32:43 ] Elf Lord > or was she your sister or mum?
[ 2010.04.23 20:32:55 ] Elf Lord > with you blokes it is hard to tell
[ 2010.04.23 20:32:55 ] Commander Spax > ouch :D
[ 2010.04.23 20:32:57 ] Orions lord > lol
[ 2010.04.23 20:33:54 ] Gar Myst > and that’s coming from a guy that calls himself ‘Elf Lord’
[ 2010.04.23 20:34:32 ] Elf Lord > ah yes a miner. of course how rude of Me. I dso apoligize.
[ 2010.04.23 20:34:44 ] Mortalitis > :monocle:
[ 2010.04.23 20:34:45 ] leesteve > why dont you all have it out
[ 2010.04.23 20:35:24 ] Orions lord > Elf stop drinking and smoking please

[ 2010.04.23 20:36:20 ] Elf Lord > and you need to pay more attention to Mythology young man? Elves are never and have never been portrade as gay in an size shape or form. a tad more along the lines of cruel visious, cold blood or ya and really good looking. The last part I have to pass

This goes on and on

last line was from

[ 2010.04.23 21:57:00 ] Elf Lord > well of course but the taste treat is a bonus

Then I went to bed

o7,
-Aiden

For various reasons, April has been a tough Eve-month for me. RL responsibilities, and what feels like a tripled work-load (albeit self-inflicted) took a pretty heavy toll on my play-time this month. So logging in and doing some dedicated ninjaing and ganking came pretty sporadically for me, as my meager 15-kill contribution to the KB this month can attest to.



So, here I am at the end of the month without too many fun stories or jaw-dropping killmails of my own. But, being the CEO of Eve’s premier ninja-salvaging and tear-harvesting alliance, I thought instead I’d share some of the awesome exploits and triumphs of the some of the other guys in TEARS.

Ca$h Money Kill$:



Urkal, of the TEARS corp Sect Or, has garnered himself a reputation for managing to find and kill the most blinged-out, shiny mission-bears in New Eden. One-upping himself again this month, he knocks down this 1.9 BILLION isk CNR. On top of that, pretty much everything of value drops. You’ve gotta respect the 1.4 bil isk loot drop.

“Meccros is the new black” – Velocity Prime. Proving that Tengus, even ridiculously faction-fit ones, are not invincible, Meccros pops this 1.8 bil isk T3 with a Hurricane. Ouch baby.



When Crime Pays:



What happens when 5 ninjas get bored, trigger-happy, and find themselves with 5 disposable battleships? Sheer wanton Kronos destruction, thats what happens. Not the best loot in the world, and pretty much zero tears, but I have to say, this was just plain hilarious, as you can imagine insta-popping a marauder would be.



Herr Wilkus, TEARS’s money-laundering investment wiz, is also a world-class destroyer of Hulks. To post them all would be gratuitous, but suffice it to say, he bags about 10 a month. Should you suddenly find yourself in a pod next to the wreck of your former Hulk with Wilkus’s flashing red pod laughing at you, you should check your Eve-mail for his standard “protection fee” form. After reading said-form, you should probably go ahead and pay the 200 mil fee. This is TEARS-guaranteed to protect you from future ganks, and I can assure you that failure to pay WILL result in Wilkus finding and popping your next Hulk.



Wilkus has also lead a few very successful gate-ganking parties this month. A couple of the highlights:

Solomar takes a wack at an Itty V which drops a Mackinaw and other goodies.

Solomar and Kasey Elle drop a Hoarder which nets a medium Minmatar Control Tower, and a fun assortment of BPOs and BPCs (KB is bad at distinguishing between the two)

Lazy Eyeh wins comedy points for killing another Hoarder which drops no less than 611 hobgoblin IIs.



Pure Comedy:



Some killmails are just so awesome, or just plain silly, that you just have to laugh:

Llyan kills his doppleganger, Lyalyn.

Meccros punishes a Maelstrom in a Sentinal.

My personal favorite kill of the month: Tenric Norrak smacks down a mission-bear on his birthday. I honestly can’t stop laughing about this one ;).

Other Mentions:



A bit belated, but I’ve bestowed the much-coveted and rare TEARS “Bringer of War” medal to SN’s own Cpt Clueless for instigating the one-man war-dec earlier this month by angry French Canadian bear Ijifrr. The “Bringer or War” medal is given exclusively to those brave Ninjas who, through their own selflessness and sheer determination, cause the escalation of average tears and threats into a full-fledged declaration of war upon TEARS. Well done sir.



Galmarr, also of SN, celebrated his 1-year Eve birthday (most of which has been spent in the ninjas) yesterday. I killed a Drake in his honor, and he celebrated by popping a Drake and a Domi. Happy Birthday man, glad you’re with us.



My one piece of personal news this month is with the completion of Minmatar Battleships IV, I’ve crossed the 20 million skillpoints mark. Word.



Here’s to hopefully more Eve-time in May.



o7,
-Aiden



P.S. The Suddenly Ninjas April “Best Carebear Tears” Competition ends tonight at midnight, so I’ll be going through them and selecting a winner by tomorrow. Naturally, those prize-winning tears will be paraded around this blog soon thereafter so don’t touch that dial, there are some exquisite tears this month…

I’ve been trying my luck at bear-hunting outside of Dodixie and Fricoure in Emolgran. Historically (ninja history that is), Emol is the El Dorado of mission running systems. Fellow ninja Meccros spent months down here laying complete waste to the local fuzzy population, who seem to favor faction and officer mods on their mission ships, and also seem to favor shooting at ninjas. Bad combination.

However, I’m beginning to think that “laying waste” is exactly what Meccros did down here (/emote stands and cheers’ Mec). Local populace is barely above 100 and I’ve hardly seen a single mission being run solo, and even the gangs won’t shoot at you!

So, three days after bringing my new Tempest down here for some fun, I’ve hardly found a single unwilling playmate. I did have a Drake shoot at my salvager and just sit in the mission, but I got cocky and brought in the Cane rather than the Tempest, and was amazed by this guys INSANELY unbreakable tank. Two med neuts, a full rack of 220mm II’s, a full flight of warrior II’s, and a gang-linked armor bonus and I STILL had to warp out at 10% armor left with his shields holding steady at 25% left :( . Hats off amigo, I’m impressed.

However, seeing as Emol is NOT Dodixie, you still get the full load of “local whines” about ninjas, which can be so very tasty. After finding this guy’s mission, I poked around a few wrecks to find literally almost nothing of any worth at all. He decided to start setting the wrecks blue anyways, and then got whiny when I wouldn’t take his terrible loot off his hands. Honestly, we’re salvagers, not scavengers. I decided to keep hounding him in hopes getting a chance to remove his Maelstrom out from under him.



Farworth > Take them you bloody peasant!
Farworth > Go figure, I get scanned out on my mission here and he won’t take my loot regardless…
Farworth > I mean, I gave it to him!
Farworth > WORST NINJA SALVAGE EVAR
Aiden Mourn > Im comin back dont worry cupcake
GhostKiller1 > thats because your lewtz are substandard
GhostKiller1 > lewtz even
William Reace > lol.
Aiden Mourn > actually yes, they were pretty shitty lewtz
Farworth > well piss off then.  If my wrecks aren’t good enough for you to steal
Farworth > Goddamn gypsy
Aiden Mourn > Farworth, your wrecks really *weren’t* good enough
Aiden Mourn > but if it’ll make you feel better
Aiden Mourn > ill come pretend to steal some of them, k?
Farworth > No it won’t
Aiden Mourn > poo poo, don’t cry cupcake
Farworth > COme here and self destruct something pretty.  I’ll be happy then
GhostKiller1 > /emote hand his hankerchief
Farworth > I hate killing serpentis…
Farworth > stupid fking ewar
Aiden Mourn > maybe if you weren’t terrible at it
Aiden Mourn > I’ve been gone for 10 minutes, have you killed anything at all since then?
Farworth > Oh sod off you little pleb
Farworth > I’m used to angels.
Aiden Mourn > *sniffle*
Farworth > hehe, are they shooting at you?
Aiden Mourn > yeah, those BS rats 50km are doing MAX damage to my noob ship farworth
Farworth > Imma laugh if they pop you
Aiden Mourn > ill be crushed
Farworth > I’m sure
Aiden Mourn > without my noob ship, ill have to start from square one all over again
Aiden Mourn > =(
Farworth > How do you even make money at this?
Aiden Mourn > how do YOU make money at this? You’re terrible!
Aiden Mourn > also i collect your little wimpers in a jar
Aiden Mourn > please….keep going
Farworth > Oh come on now, this isn’t even good crying.  I’m sure there’s better out there.
Aiden Mourn > farworth, there are *way* better tears out there
Aiden Mourn > you’re pretty lackluster all around
Aiden Mourn > =(
William Reace > /emote fell out of his chair laughing. it took a lil to get back in it.
Farworth > I always thought I was pretty decent for being a prick.
Aiden Mourn > it needs work
Aiden Mourn > but i see potential in you



So Emol is a little slower than what I’m used to, but I’m gonna keep riding this Emo-train till I get something good.

Oh, and it would appear Suddenly Ninjas has hit New York City. Taken this morning in the lower east side:

Notice the empty lot where the building WAS before it was ninjaed ;).

o7,

-Aiden

As CEO of TEARS and Suddenly Ninjas, I sometimes feel as though I should be giving out monthly or quarterly reports or something on “our progress as an alliance” or “where we are going directionally and goal-wise”. However, that my friends would be a boring, boring post. Our progress and direction? Going nicely thanks. We’ve branched into new areas, caused a rainstorm of new tears, and one of our members even single-handedly took out an entire mission running corp. Plus, we’ve been war-deced by a butt-hurt 1-man mission-running corp.

So instead, I thought I’d give a “monthly progress report” of TEARS and SN in the form of some of my favorite and astoundingly hilarious kills and tears from the past month. Please, grab your popcorn.

Read the rest of this entry →

About a week ago, I found myself on small detour into Ichoriya after seeing the raging successes that Khalia and Captain Charismatic were having there. All I had on me was my rifter, and before I went and fitted up some scanning and salvaging ships, I thought I’d take a roam through the belts to get a feel for the locals.

With luck, on my first belt, I found a green young retriever pilot slowly topping off a giant secure container that, low and behold, wasn’t so secure. Pop goes the can, yoink goes the ore. I sat there feeling please with myself as he warped off to (I hoped) come back in a pew-ship.

As I waited around, I noticed another miner pop an jet can across the belt labeled “please don’t take me”. I grinned and started to have impure thoughts concerning the fate of this ore, when one of the miner’s corp-mates (2006 player) came through the belt in an assault frigate. No thanks; pass. I’ve gone up against AF’s before in a rifter with mixed results but I had the feeling that the guy with about 2 years experience on me in a better ship would probably come out on top of that one.

As I continued to wait for the retriever pilot to hopefully come back, the cheeky miner decided to rename his can “Please Take Me”. Punk. Out of sheer boredom, I allowed myself to be drawn into a local-discussion with them. Turns out, these guys are pet-corp (or a wannabe pet corp) of CVA, and to my complete amazement, the head honcho began to try and actively recruit me to the CVA front lines (just a quick fyi: TEARS is KOS to CVA ;)). What follows is our local-convo with running commentary by Velocity Prime and JordanParey as I relayed this fail into corp chat.

Aiden Mourn > yes dasidar, i see youre in the same corp
bukchoi > lol
bukchoi > i’m assuming anyone can flips isnt in it for the 200,00 isk ore
Aiden Mourn > im just trying to ruffle some feathers
Aiden Mourn > unless youre flipping in ABC wormhole space or something i guess
bukchoi > were you trying to take him down in a rifter
Aiden Mourn > “trying” implies a plan
dasidar > im here to do two things. protect the corp assests….and recruit you.

Are you serious?

Aiden Mourn > tempting offer there das
dasidar > how would you know you havent heard my offer yet.
Aiden Mourn > You’re welcome to put it out there, but im pretty sure im all set
Aiden Mourn > /emote points to his bio
Alexis Acantha > IMHO
Alexis Acantha > people that quote themselves in their bios tend to douches
Aiden Mourn > Alexis I have my moments
dasidar > oh I dont requier membership in ark we have a special place for folks likes of you.. its called the lucky strikes….help us fight the AAA in f-dt and we will supply you with an unlimited supply of thrashers with gear and ammo.

OMG Did you say FREE THRASHERS!? Sign me up! ( =/ )

Velocity Prime > hahaha what?
Aiden Mourn > and he’ll supply us with all the (and i quote) *THRASHERS* we need
Velocity Prime > I’m in!
Velocity Prime > Doesn’t he know we’re red to CVA?

Aiden Mourn > Das, thanks but no thanks?
dasidar > all you have to do is get you and your crew to f-dt …alive…and kill some AAA i can help you find them they are never far away.
Aiden Mourn > Yep, well theres where I have zero interest, sorry
Osmodeus > sounds like suicide
Aiden Mourn > =)
Aiden Mourn > My guys are ninja-salvagers/can flippers/high-sec shenanigans/griefers
Aiden Mourn > we dont do null-sec epeen politics
dasidar > im oging back to my spider hoke
dasidar > hole^
Lord Agger > being a pirate in concord spcontrolled space is much more demanding then playing hide and seek games in Nul-Space
dasidar > hide and seek no youll be doing much harder work attacking the gatecamps and takin the point as that the point of people with limitless ships.
Aiden Mourn > Wow das that sounds fun
Aiden Mourn > =|
Aiden Mourn > sounds like underpaid cannon fodder
dasidar > you get to play with carrier support thats kinda neat

I decide to see how many free thrashers I can get out of the deal =)

Aiden Mourn > Das, if you contract me up a bunch of thrashers right now, i’ll talk to my guys and see who’s interested
dasidar > oh they are handed out onsite….where you would have to spend more isk to escape with them than would be practical to do.

This guy is incredible.

Aiden Mourn > I see
Aiden Mourn > well, outlook not so good amigo
dasidar > f-dt we should have 15 on hand I stoped stocking them there cause well LFA doesnt show up to the party….why are you on the red list to cva?

Velocity Prime > “I’m in TEARS, motherfucker, that’s why!”
Velocity Prime > I was channeling Sam Jackson there
Aiden Mourn > i felt it
JordanParey > “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ACCIDENTALLY SHOT MARVIN IN THE FACE?”

Aiden Mourn > Im on the red list to quite a few people I would imagine
dasidar > its allways a pain in the ass to work under that…meh. i di what I can….maybe I will find freelance fun for you in basergin…you can still find a carrier there once in a while.
Aiden Mourn > I pretty much make a career in eve of pissing off mission runners and stealing other peoples things
bukchoi > lol
bukchoi > a true ninja
dasidar > I gave it my one sentance….anyhow spiderhole time nice chatting.
Aiden Mourn > that was a lot more like 20 sentences
Aiden Mourn > but nice talking with you too

And heres where I get pissed:

bukchoi > ill be back, guard my can aiden

I don’t really like being told what to do like that, unless its from someone I respect. Needless to say, Das and the gang hadn’t exactly won me over. So, I scooted over to the can and popped one of my own. Then I wait until he was back on grid and almost on top of me before I scooped the ore into mine and blew up the can in front of him.

I warped off to a gate giggling like a school girl as dasidar jumps back into the belt in his AF and tries to target me. I’m literally laughing out loud as das follows me across 4 systems.

EVE System > Channel changed to Litiura Local Channel
dasidar > you do realize that this only changes the ship I kill you with.
Aiden Mourn > lol

Giggling and crying, I make my way back towards Dodixie and fire off a quick evemail:

=p
From: Aiden Mourn
Sent: 2010.03.02 07:54
To: dasidar,

“dasidar > you do realize that this only changes the ship I kill you with.”

Is it a thrasher? I hear you guys have a surplus of those.

=P
-Aiden

p.s. “bukchoi > ill be back, guard my can aiden” ….really?

No response, but now at least we’re dying in corp chat.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I’m wandering through Brapelille, next to Fricoure, when I notice some familiar faces in local. Its the Ark-Corp guys! I’m about to say hello when one of them says IN LOCAL “ok I see him, gimme one sec to fit”. Really guys? Sure enough, dasidar and two friends warp into the belt I’m in in a Cormie and 2 Thrashers.

Time to roll out the Epic Fail.

I may have learned this wrong, but it was my thought that the goal of a suicide gank was in fact to GANK someone. Successfully that is. And destroyers are AWESOME at ganking frigates (I was in a rifter). So there is NO WAY this little revenge scheme could have ever failed. Right?

….right?

With Concord response time as it is in .7 space, I was able to whore myself onto all three of these kills. These guys got my shields and about 1/4 of my armor. “B+” for effort I guess.

dasidar > So its safe to assume we will be doing that randomly until your dead.
dasidar > see you around were done today
Aiden Mourn > lol yeah no shit

So, it looks like I’ve made myself some new friends. Das went on to promise me they’d be looking for me in Dodixie as “practice for the new guys”, so I’ll be sure to post more fun from these guys as it comes my way.

Thanks again for reading, and to any new readers on Capsuleer, welcome!. Stop by the site on a real browser sometime and leave a comment.

o7,
-Aiden