About a week ago, I found myself on small detour into Ichoriya after seeing the raging successes that Khalia and Captain Charismatic were having there. All I had on me was my rifter, and before I went and fitted up some scanning and salvaging ships, I thought I’d take a roam through the belts to get a feel for the locals.

With luck, on my first belt, I found a green young retriever pilot slowly topping off a giant secure container that, low and behold, wasn’t so secure. Pop goes the can, yoink goes the ore. I sat there feeling please with myself as he warped off to (I hoped) come back in a pew-ship.

As I waited around, I noticed another miner pop an jet can across the belt labeled “please don’t take me”. I grinned and started to have impure thoughts concerning the fate of this ore, when one of the miner’s corp-mates (2006 player) came through the belt in an assault frigate. No thanks; pass. I’ve gone up against AF’s before in a rifter with mixed results but I had the feeling that the guy with about 2 years experience on me in a better ship would probably come out on top of that one.

As I continued to wait for the retriever pilot to hopefully come back, the cheeky miner decided to rename his can “Please Take Me”. Punk. Out of sheer boredom, I allowed myself to be drawn into a local-discussion with them. Turns out, these guys are pet-corp (or a wannabe pet corp) of CVA, and to my complete amazement, the head honcho began to try and actively recruit me to the CVA front lines (just a quick fyi: TEARS is KOS to CVA ;)). What follows is our local-convo with running commentary by Velocity Prime and JordanParey as I relayed this fail into corp chat.

Aiden Mourn > yes dasidar, i see youre in the same corp
bukchoi > lol
bukchoi > i’m assuming anyone can flips isnt in it for the 200,00 isk ore
Aiden Mourn > im just trying to ruffle some feathers
Aiden Mourn > unless youre flipping in ABC wormhole space or something i guess
bukchoi > were you trying to take him down in a rifter
Aiden Mourn > “trying” implies a plan
dasidar > im here to do two things. protect the corp assests….and recruit you.

Are you serious?

Aiden Mourn > tempting offer there das
dasidar > how would you know you havent heard my offer yet.
Aiden Mourn > You’re welcome to put it out there, but im pretty sure im all set
Aiden Mourn > /emote points to his bio
Alexis Acantha > IMHO
Alexis Acantha > people that quote themselves in their bios tend to douches
Aiden Mourn > Alexis I have my moments
dasidar > oh I dont requier membership in ark we have a special place for folks likes of you.. its called the lucky strikes….help us fight the AAA in f-dt and we will supply you with an unlimited supply of thrashers with gear and ammo.

OMG Did you say FREE THRASHERS!? Sign me up! ( =/ )

Velocity Prime > hahaha what?
Aiden Mourn > and he’ll supply us with all the (and i quote) *THRASHERS* we need
Velocity Prime > I’m in!
Velocity Prime > Doesn’t he know we’re red to CVA?

Aiden Mourn > Das, thanks but no thanks?
dasidar > all you have to do is get you and your crew to f-dt …alive…and kill some AAA i can help you find them they are never far away.
Aiden Mourn > Yep, well theres where I have zero interest, sorry
Osmodeus > sounds like suicide
Aiden Mourn > =)
Aiden Mourn > My guys are ninja-salvagers/can flippers/high-sec shenanigans/griefers
Aiden Mourn > we dont do null-sec epeen politics
dasidar > im oging back to my spider hoke
dasidar > hole^
Lord Agger > being a pirate in concord spcontrolled space is much more demanding then playing hide and seek games in Nul-Space
dasidar > hide and seek no youll be doing much harder work attacking the gatecamps and takin the point as that the point of people with limitless ships.
Aiden Mourn > Wow das that sounds fun
Aiden Mourn > =|
Aiden Mourn > sounds like underpaid cannon fodder
dasidar > you get to play with carrier support thats kinda neat

I decide to see how many free thrashers I can get out of the deal =)

Aiden Mourn > Das, if you contract me up a bunch of thrashers right now, i’ll talk to my guys and see who’s interested
dasidar > oh they are handed out onsite….where you would have to spend more isk to escape with them than would be practical to do.

This guy is incredible.

Aiden Mourn > I see
Aiden Mourn > well, outlook not so good amigo
dasidar > f-dt we should have 15 on hand I stoped stocking them there cause well LFA doesnt show up to the party….why are you on the red list to cva?

Velocity Prime > “I’m in TEARS, motherfucker, that’s why!”
Velocity Prime > I was channeling Sam Jackson there
Aiden Mourn > i felt it
JordanParey > “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ACCIDENTALLY SHOT MARVIN IN THE FACE?”

Aiden Mourn > Im on the red list to quite a few people I would imagine
dasidar > its allways a pain in the ass to work under that…meh. i di what I can….maybe I will find freelance fun for you in basergin…you can still find a carrier there once in a while.
Aiden Mourn > I pretty much make a career in eve of pissing off mission runners and stealing other peoples things
bukchoi > lol
bukchoi > a true ninja
dasidar > I gave it my one sentance….anyhow spiderhole time nice chatting.
Aiden Mourn > that was a lot more like 20 sentences
Aiden Mourn > but nice talking with you too

And heres where I get pissed:

bukchoi > ill be back, guard my can aiden

I don’t really like being told what to do like that, unless its from someone I respect. Needless to say, Das and the gang hadn’t exactly won me over. So, I scooted over to the can and popped one of my own. Then I wait until he was back on grid and almost on top of me before I scooped the ore into mine and blew up the can in front of him.

I warped off to a gate giggling like a school girl as dasidar jumps back into the belt in his AF and tries to target me. I’m literally laughing out loud as das follows me across 4 systems.

EVE System > Channel changed to Litiura Local Channel
dasidar > you do realize that this only changes the ship I kill you with.
Aiden Mourn > lol

Giggling and crying, I make my way back towards Dodixie and fire off a quick evemail:

=p
From: Aiden Mourn
Sent: 2010.03.02 07:54
To: dasidar,

“dasidar > you do realize that this only changes the ship I kill you with.”

Is it a thrasher? I hear you guys have a surplus of those.

=P
-Aiden

p.s. “bukchoi > ill be back, guard my can aiden” ….really?

No response, but now at least we’re dying in corp chat.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I’m wandering through Brapelille, next to Fricoure, when I notice some familiar faces in local. Its the Ark-Corp guys! I’m about to say hello when one of them says IN LOCAL “ok I see him, gimme one sec to fit”. Really guys? Sure enough, dasidar and two friends warp into the belt I’m in in a Cormie and 2 Thrashers.

Time to roll out the Epic Fail.

I may have learned this wrong, but it was my thought that the goal of a suicide gank was in fact to GANK someone. Successfully that is. And destroyers are AWESOME at ganking frigates (I was in a rifter). So there is NO WAY this little revenge scheme could have ever failed. Right?

….right?

With Concord response time as it is in .7 space, I was able to whore myself onto all three of these kills. These guys got my shields and about 1/4 of my armor. “B+” for effort I guess.

dasidar > So its safe to assume we will be doing that randomly until your dead.
dasidar > see you around were done today
Aiden Mourn > lol yeah no shit

So, it looks like I’ve made myself some new friends. Das went on to promise me they’d be looking for me in Dodixie as “practice for the new guys”, so I’ll be sure to post more fun from these guys as it comes my way.

Thanks again for reading, and to any new readers on Capsuleer, welcome!. Stop by the site on a real browser sometime and leave a comment.

o7,
-Aiden

TEARS is at a new milestone in its frustrating and confoundingly happy-go-lucky existence: we currently have FOUR active war-decs levied against us by various groups of mercenaries, PvP thrill-seekers, and incensed carebears. To be fair, 3 of those decs come by way of Sect Or, a new corp that we’ve taken under the TEARS banner; their wars have by proxy extended to us. The fourth one is from the UK Freedom Fighers, a 20 man group of PvP group vets (take a stab at what timezone they base out of…), who for once in terms of TEARS WTs, seem to have their shit together.

We at SN and TEARS have some pretty basic ideas that we stick to when war-deced: unless WE did the deccing, we see no reason to play on anyone else’s terms. This means no, we won’t play station games with you, we will easily evade your blobby gate-camps, and no, we aren’t going to accept fleet requests from your alts (but “A” for effort there fellas).

So, we ninja-poof and avoid WTs unless in an organized group. No, its not that we “suck at pvp” or are scared of the idea of war. Its more-so that we see no need to come and engage you on your terms, nor do we see your war-dec as a reason to stop doing what we do.

So, the first couple days of our little bore-war here I spent logging in while I had RL work to do and then leaving myself logged in sitting in station in Umokka. A fun lunch-time game I’ve been playing is counting the number of times one of the UKFF guys (actually corp ticker is “FFUK”…clever right?) docks and then undocks at the station I’m at (the record is 12 times over the course of one turkey sandwich…ouch man =/ ).

As the weekend approached however, I decided I needed some fun and jump-cloned back to Dodixie for some ninjaing fun (hah, so much for war-time intelligence). It felt good to scan and mission-crash after spending the better part of the past 2 weeks doing some can-flipping and picking fights in Umokka, and I netted some great loot over the few hours I spent doing so. Unfortunately, no one seemed to be shooting at me at all. I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for Dixie, but it does require a certain amount of patience and ingenuity to get mission runners to shoot at you here (or if they do, to stick around). This was patience I didn’t have last night. So, I grabbed my trusty rifter “Failsauce” and headed to the belts of Vylade and Auvergne to step on some toes.

See now, what started as “Aiden needs a little pew” turned into “Aiden goes on a bloody rampage through the roid belts of Sinq Laison”. After about 2 hours, I got seven kills last night. Yow. Were all or any of them spectacular or isk-heavy kills? Not really, but some really fun and good fights (and a few almost fights: to the 2 month old Hyperion pilot who wouldn’t engage me but offered a “dual in 3 months”, please know that we laughed at your fail at great length).

Now 4 of these kills were the result of flipping not that much ore from one guy and his buddy. The one guy, I killed 3 times in the span of 25 minutes. Ok, there’s carelessness, and there’s getting heated and wanting revenge; I get that. But then, there’s just plain stupid. If I’ve already taken your Caracal twice, and then your dessie AND a friend in a Scythe at the same time, coming back in anything really doesn’t make much sense right? Yeah…thats what I thought.

Now, just because this guy seemed to be a very special kind of special (read: short-bus, padded helmet), I decided to have some fun with him. This starts after he first opened up with his Caracal solo. I got him into structure and then somehow I lost point or he burned out of range and got away.

Aiden Mourn > why you shoot?
KG Moger > dude you jacke are stuff
Aiden Mourn > i thought free ore
KG Moger > hell no

Mr. Moger returns in another Caracal. He dies quickly.

Aiden Mourn > woops
Aiden Mourn > more free stuff!
KG Moger > yea thanks ass hole
Aiden Mourn > sir
Aiden Mourn > self defense
Aiden Mourn > you jumped me
Aiden Mourn > ass
Aiden Mourn > I am allowed to protect myself from ruffians like yourself
KG Moger > you fucken jackour shit wile he was sitting there
Aiden Mourn > sir, im sure I don’t know what you’re talking about
Aiden Mourn > I was merely defending myself from your brutal attack
Aiden Mourn > space is just not as safe as it used to be i guess
Aiden Mourn > I hope you bruts have learned a lesson about inflicting dastardly abuses on innocents

KG returns this time in a Cormorant, the Scythe is sitting 65km away from me but starts to burn towards me as KG starts firing.

Aiden Mourn > What is this, gang rape?
Aiden Mourn > man, you guys are savages

I dispatch the Cormorant as the Scythe opens up on me. I didnt realize until later that the Scythe pilot, with no knowledge of aggro timers apparently, actually concorded himself on me. I still somehow managed to get 38% of the damage on him. Nice response time Concord.

KG Moger > he did not even attce you you are the savage i did but he did not
Aiden Mourn > he did in fact attack me
KG Moger > no cus he has no guns
Aiden Mourn > well, how come i was taking damage from him?
Aiden Mourn > http://tears.evekb.co.uk/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=1125437
Aiden Mourn > it would appear he DID have guns, sir
Aiden Mourn > if you sirs would like to come back and fight honorably, i’ll be here to throw down in fisticuffs

Hey, its worth a shot right?

KG Moger > sorry he did have some this was some thing i did not know sorry about that but its stupied for you to jack stuff that we mined
Aiden Mourn > I didnt realize I had done so
Aiden Mourn > And I accept your apologies
KG Moger > will u give it back

My friend, you’ve just said the magic words
Aiden Mourn > since youve appologized, then yes, you may come back and collect your ore
KG Moger > how do i know you not just going to kill me
Aiden Mourn > scouts honor
Aiden Mourn > you have appologized
Aiden Mourn > the harm is forgiven
KG Moger > ok

=/ Yikes. Badger enters the arena, all nice and flashy. Pop.

Aiden Mourn > Oh my stars…..my guns were on auto
Aiden Mourn > a thousand appologies sir
KG Moger > lol you think i am stuiped lol
Aiden Mourn > In fact at this point, I do actually
KG Moger > lol well this time i di not attack you so now i have good info for my other frinds lol
Aiden Mourn > I see
Aiden Mourn > hang on, let me fleet you so you can see how i was fitted

The true Darwin test…

Aiden Mourn > youre already in fleet, cant
Aiden Mourn > i was just trying to show you how i was fitted
KG Moger > hold on
KG Moger > k
Aiden Mourn > ok can you see the fit?
KG Moger > how do i do that
Aiden Mourn > right click my name
Aiden Mourn > their should be a “view fit” option
KG Moger > nope nothing
Aiden Mourn > wait are you in sttion?
KG Moger > no
Aiden Mourn > are you in a ship?
KG Moger > pod
Aiden Mourn > oh yeah, plus you arent even in system with me
Aiden Mourn > if youre in the same system, in space, in ships, you can view each others fittings
KG Moger > nope not that stupied
Aiden Mourn > you sure?
KG Moger > yea
Aiden Mourn > ahh well
Aiden Mourn > just trying to share this rifter fit to even the odds next time
KG Moger > lol yea do not care just tell me what u have
Aiden Mourn > i have sleeper guns on my ship
Aiden Mourn > thats the secret
KG Moger > o really hum never huard of them
Aiden Mourn > the npcs in wormholes?
Aiden Mourn > those guys
Aiden Mourn > i could sell you some
KG Moger > o i reallly do not belive u for some reason
Aiden Mourn > well, i did kill you and your friend
Aiden Mourn > you 3 times
Aiden Mourn > and you were in bigger ships than me
Aiden Mourn > and I think its fair to say I came out on top of that one
KG Moger > o do u fill proud you took out to noobs woop do da



No, but I am giggling at the sheer breadth of your stupidity. At this point, its like 3:30 am, I’ve been drinking, and I just get plain weird on this guy:

Aiden Mourn > i see it as an educational experience for you
Aiden Mourn > I’m like your mentor
Aiden Mourn > your guru
KG Moger > hahahahaha lol u are no where near that to me cus i do not care lol
Aiden Mourn > Thats the first step of acceptance
Aiden Mourn > my young padawan
Aiden Mourn > I will be your spiritual guide on this adventure we call eve
Aiden Mourn > i will be the spirit fox that guides you on your path of oneness on your hadj of self-awareness and discovery
KG Moger > lol good bye
Aiden Mourn > you will find your way my little acorn
Aiden Mourn > just….dont be so fucking dumb
Aiden Mourn > =)

I was determined to get one more kill for the evening, and quickly found one more. Unfortunately, the Imicus who went red in front of me happened to be a 5-day character, which I didn’t realized until I’d popped him. =/. I really try to avoid players THAT young, and I honestly did feel bad at first. That is, until he carried on like a little girl with sand in her eye, even after I a) apologized b) reimbursed him for his loss, and c) refrained from killing him a second time when he undocked still red. I hate to come off as heartless, but this guy just wouldn’t stop flat out crying about the “injustices” inflicted upon him. I won’t post the whole thing because it just gets sad a little emo-rage-y, but here are some highlights. I’m treating this one the same way they treat writing about minors in the paper so I’m blocking the name out:

###123 > you killed my fucking mineing ship you fuck stick!!!!
Aiden Mourn > look calm down
Aiden Mourn > again, im sorry i killed you
###123 > i didnt think there was fuck sticks like you though but hey YOUR THE MAN!!!!



Aiden Mourn > here, thats for your loss
###123 > i dont need fuckin cherity
Aiden Mourn > no you need a tissue
Aiden Mourn > look, im sorry i killed you i didnt realzie you were a 4 day character
###123 > the hell i do
###123 > dont dont understand i am SOOO laughing at you right now so why if i was laughing do i need a tissuse?
Aiden Mourn > right, my bad
Aiden Mourn > look….stick with this game, i mean that
Aiden Mourn > theres a stiff learing curve, but its fun as hell

Also, it should be noted that I wasn’t going to post this at all until he went after “Finders & Keepers”. You keep my damn BLOG out of it! =P

###123 > lmao i was fucking with you there because i red your crap posts when you took the one ore from me before
###123 > blog it so i can look at your mighty blog page and read this shit on it so i can laugh some more

I hope that you too have “read this shit” and “laugh some more”. If you haven’t yet, and feel so inclined, a quick comment on Crazy Kinux’s post about the new Eve Online Blog Pack recommending Finders and Keepers would be immensely appreciated. Thanks again for reading.

o7,
-Aiden

Yesterday afternoon, I got wtfpwnd. Big time. I was in a mission and grabbed aggro from a Domi, and sure enough he threw his drones at me. Here’s where I first failed though. Instead of warping out on first aggro, I realized I’d forgot to ship-scan before looting so I’d know what damage-type and hardeners to fit on the Raven. Shit. So I attempted a quick scan while trying to out-fly the drones, but unfortunately, I got wasted before I could even get a scan off. Ugh. But fine, its a vigil, not a big deal; besides, I had aggro now (this, kids, is why we fly cheap salvage ships).

I went and grabbed the raven and jumped back to the mission, which was of course deserted now. Now, when I saw the Taranis appear on grid about 100km from me and then warp off, THATS probably when I really should have followed suit. Alas, I was an idiot and waited another 5 minutes until the MR jumped in on top of me in an Eos, with two corpmates in Myrms. Fuck. Me. 25 seconds later, I was raven-less and shaking my head. Ah well, good fight, and nice work for the mission runner with brains who got the better of me.

Just the same, when you lose a ship, you want a little payback. I logged for most of the rest of the afternoon to get some RL work done (its amazing how RL-productive losing a BS can make you!), but later that evening, I decided to vent my anger on someone, and went looking for a fight.

Success came quickly. I found a retriever jet-can mining in Vittenyn (I know, I know…it was just too easy though), and promptly flipped the can. He didn’t look like he was going to make a move until I shot the can I’d just stolen. THAT got him mad, and he warped off.

I orbited his can for about 2 minutes (and gave a friendly warning to a 2 day old player nearby about the dangers of mining into 3 jetcans), before he jumped back in in a Myrm. Hmm. Myrms can go either way when you’re in a rifter. With T2 drones, you’re going to be in rough shape. I mean even with T1’s you’re up against some pretty heavy dps for a rifter, but you’ll have a better time picking them off one by one.

Luckily, he popped out a flight of t1’s and I went in for the tackle. Here’s where things got tricky though, as it seemed like every time I webbed and popped a drone, another one would pop out. Eventually, he actually started to overwhelm my armor repper and my cap started to tap out. “Lame” I thought, as I had to jump out and run to station in structure (he had no point on me). I patched up, and headed back out.

Insanely, he was STILL just sitting in the belt, so I went in for the tackle for round 2. He continued to shit out an endless stream of drones, until finally, he seemed to be fresh out. Perfect. Now I ducked in under his guns, turned off my AB, and began to slowly putter around him, emptying my guns into his armor over and over again.

L777KH > I tired of this what dou want
Aiden Mourn > i want to kill your myrm
Aiden Mourn > you could turn off your repper and make this go faster if you want
Aiden Mourn > =)
L777KH > Stop
Aiden Mourn > for what?
L777KH > stop and lets talk
Aiden Mourn > um, no
Aiden Mourn > lets talk now
Aiden Mourn > while i continue to shoot
L777KH > I do pettition and send to CCP
Aiden Mourn > for what?
Aiden Mourn > losing?
Aiden Mourn > be my guest
L777KH > No read rules
Aiden Mourn > lol
Aiden Mourn > what rules?
L777KH > EULA
Aiden Mourn > Dont kill L777KH because he will cry?

He left convo ;)

The problem was, even though he couldn’t hit me anymore, his tank was taking FOREVER to get through. I slowly started to realize that I might actually run out of ammo before he popped. I put a shout out in corp, but everyone was either afk or 15+ jumps out (although props to Katsu for offering to JC back to dodi). I tried the ninja alliance channel, again nothing.

So I decided to try the Eve Bloggers Channel, which is typically filled with all sorts of fun, helpful, and syntactically correct people. I got an immediate response from IamBeastx from “Smart Fun With Big Guns” who was handily in Dodixie buying a new Curse, and offered to drop me off some ammo when he was done buying. Awesome.

Back to our Myrm friend. Things started to get tight when I ran out of rockets, and then as I started to slog through the second part of his hull, I realized I was totally out of backup ammo now. First, I tried offering him his release for a ransom:

Aiden Mourn > last chance for a ransom
Aiden Mourn > stop repping
L777KH > What do you want
Aiden Mourn > 40 mil
Aiden Mourn > STOP REPPING
Aiden Mourn > ok fine

Guns back on. Dick. Commence with the cursing of my name and mother in a language I don’t know.

L777KH > Hui tebe
L777KH > ponyal
Aiden Mourn > 35 mil
L777KH > 5 mil
Aiden Mourn > lol
L777KH > hui tebe
Aiden Mourn > i dont speak that
L777KH > a mne po hui

I overheated and got him to about 10% hull before the guns started to go click click click. Uuuugh. I kept him pinned down and decided to wait for Beastx.

Aiden Mourn > this is so lame
L777KH > poshel na hui uebok
Aiden Mourn > i can keep you here all night bud

Finally, a familiar Curse dropped in and jetted 6,000 rounds of RF EMP s and PP s. Beast, you are the man. I loaded up, bumped right up against the myrm, and let the onslaught (read: slow and painfully long chipping away) commence. I seriously doubt that “pvp” has ever felt more like mining to anyone, ever.

Aiden Mourn > *sigh*
Aiden Mourn > this is sure taking a while isnt it
Aiden Mourn > this wont go any faster if you keep repping
Aiden Mourn > or, heres an idea
Aiden Mourn > you eject
Aiden Mourn > and leave system
Aiden Mourn > and i pay you 5 mil
L777KH > What do you want
L777KH > 5 mill?

He tried a logofski, twice, but finally, FINALLY, he went down in flames.

Aiden Mourn > well
Aiden Mourn > good fight i guess

All said and done, from the moment of first engagement to popping him, this myrm took 50 fucking minutes to take down. That’s actually kind of ridiculous. Just the same though, sifting through the loot and realizing he was faction fitted made me feel like my time was well spent :).

So, while losing a raven to what felt like prison love was lame earlier, nailing a solo kill in a rifter on a faction fit 120mil isk myrmidon was awesome. Again, I have to give huge thanks to Beastx for saving the day, as well as the rest of the Eve Bloggers channel for being equally as hilarious during the entire thing. You guys are awesome.

o7,

-Aiden

photo credit: Flickr member zert.sonstige_2008

Well, its true what they say; if at first you don’t succeed… try, try again (& try, & try, & try, & try, & try, & try, & try, & try, & try, & try…) :). And although they’re nothing to really write home about, 12 kills (13 if you include the noob ship too :/ ) in 2 days will make you smile every time. At the suggestion of fellow sneaking lowlife ninja, Mr.Argie, I made a field trip up into Caldari space, and its been FUN. I’ve hunt out mostly in Airkio and neighboring Akiainavas, and the amount of FAIL between these two systems is staggering.

Two big things I noticed here: 1.) people LOVE jet-can mining. I don’t just mean a little, I mean like completely filling multiple jet-cans with ore without hauling them back. 2.) those who are not busy passively giving away large quantities of free ore are very keen on “stopping piracy” and chasing off the ebil can fwippahs (read: me). So its sort of like a going-out of business sale at Fail-Mart when you take someones ore here. First, they’ll open up with one drone on you. Pop. Then, some guy in a horribly fit dessie that you happen to have aggro on from looting one of his rat-wrecks open up on you in the name of law and justice. Pop. Then (true story!), another white-knight opens up on you with NO aggro and gets Concordokken. AND THEN (seriously!) the guy in the dessie comes back at you again in AN UNFITTED DRAKE. Pop. You really just can’t make this stuff up people. What makes the previously stated story even funnier is this (yes the whole think was in local):

Drankui > saikaura.. ya just got yer canister ganked
Th155 > Don’t take it back

*Saikaura takes it back. Obviously. Pop!

Drankui > lol.. that was fast
Th155 > He took it back?
Drankui > yah
Drankui > got ganked.. fast
Saikaura > ah well, shit happens

Th155 > What belt?
Drankui > belt 1
Drankui > crap.. just jumped out of belt

Saikaura > d/w about it, it was just a bantam :P
Th155 > Which belt one?
Drankui > Airkio X- belt 1

Th155 > Thanks
Drankui > hes back’

Th155 > Who? The flipper?
Drankui > yup

Th155 > Was there only one of him?

Drankui > camping Saikauras wreck

Drankui > only one here….. take it at that

Aiden Mourn > =)

*Th155 enter the arena on his white horse. I decide to taunt and bait.

Th155 > Hey, whach it buster

Aiden Mourn > no YOU watch it
Aiden Mourn > thanks for the miners btw

Th155 > Your welcome

Th155 > Didn’t need them

*Sigh* of course you didn’t…

Aiden Mourn > everyones so polite here

Th155 > Hm… I think my destoryer can take you
Drankui > thats the point…

Aiden Mourn > kind of is the point of dessies

Th155 > Anyone else drop in when he got ganked?
Aiden Mourn > nope
Th155 > Or was it just him

Aiden Mourn > c’est moi
Drankui > just him
Drankui > damn frenchies

Drankui > lol

Th155 > What do you think aria?

Aiden Mourn > or, you know, think for yourself
Aiden Mourn > and grow a pair
Aiden Mourn > =P

Th155 > Eh, what the heck
Th155 > It’s a cheap ship anyway

*Th115’s tank drops like Enron stock. Pop! I continue to taunt and bait him in local.

Aiden Mourn > boy i hope so

Th155 > Wow rifters are good

Aiden Mourn > its more so that youre just bad I think

Aiden Mourn > =)

Th155 > Yea, needed more shield

Aiden Mourn > i think starting a fight with half armor is usually a terrible idea

Aiden Mourn > ….for what its worth
Th155 > HEy, i don’t care about that ship
Th155 > If i want to, i’ll come back with a drake to finish it off, but i don’t

*sigh* of course you don’t… And now that I’ve heard about this drake, I start pushing his buttons more, hoping for round two.

Aiden Mourn > ummm

Aiden Mourn > ok

Th155 > I’ll come back in a drake, for something else
Aiden Mourn > why on earth are there 4 1mn abs in your wreck?
Drankui > lol.. come on Th155…

Aiden Mourn > and MALE exotic dancers
 o.0
Th155 > What? I only havd one ABS installed…

Aiden Mourn > whooooweee man

Aiden Mourn > this is embarassing

Th155 > Eh, fitted it from spart parts

Aiden Mourn > Im sure
Th155 > you really want to tangle with me?

Aiden Mourn > I just did
Drankui > lol

*Th155 warps in again, this time as promised in a drake. I target, scram, go into an orbit and start laying on the pew. Suddenly Drankui inexplicably opens up on me with no aggro and gets concorded. I’m slowly eating away at Th115’s shield and then armor but for some reason I’m not taking any hits off of him. Things are not looking up for Th155 today.

Aiden Mourn > how heroic drankui

Th155 > Oh bloody hell

Aiden Mourn > yeah this isnt looking good

Aiden Mourn > how much do drakes go for?

Th155 > I have a spare
IceColdFreezie > 27m or so
Aiden Mourn > huh

Th155 > How about you let it go :D

Aiden Mourn > lol

Aiden Mourn > for how much?

Th155 > You choose

Aiden Mourn > hey bud you attacked me, remember?

Th155 > Just stop shooting
IceColdFreezie > blow it up so i can salvage  :3

*I’d stopped shooting for a second, considering a ransom, so I ship scanned him to check for tasty mods…he had an empty ship. As in, no modules fitted. At all. It was then that I decided popping this utter work of fail and having it on my KB is worth far more than whatever ransom I’d get from him. Guns on again. Pop!

Aiden Mourn > woops

Aiden Mourn > dude

Aiden Mourn > you had NO MODUELS FITTED
Aiden Mourn > are you kidding me?

Th155 > It’s called insurance frawd :D

Aiden Mourn > No, its called failing.

Aiden Mourn > can i make a suggestion?

Th155 > What?

Aiden Mourn > Stop playing eve

Th155 > Nah
Aiden Mourn > Just stop.

Aiden Mourn > I hear WoW is…..uh…fun
Aiden Mourn > yeah…fun

Th155 > Look, the cormor paid for itself with the insurance from this
Th155 > And i MADE money on the drake
Aiden Mourn > I love when people dont understand how insurrance works
Aiden Mourn > lets break it down

Aiden Mourn > how much was the cormerant?

Drankui > 200,000

Aiden Mourn > how much did you pay for insurance?

Th155 > Roughly

Th155 > 11M
Th155 > 38M got back
Th155 > Drake cost 24M

Aiden Mourn > back up

Aiden Mourn > ok

Aiden Mourn > 24 mil

Aiden Mourn > so you made what, 3 mil?

Th155 > Around, not -

Th155 > Yea, not really planing

Aiden Mourn > you dont think there are better ways of making 3 mil than getting your ass handed to you?
Th155 > I know the ways, just wanted a fail way today

Aiden Mourn > Mission accomplished?

Aiden Mourn > =)
Th155 > Yea
Th155 > Bye
Aiden Mourn > ….this is local
Aiden Mourn > you cant just hang up
Eric Xallen > heheh
IceColdFreezie > offtopic: Th155, your drake’s salvage is only worth 600. I am dissapointed
Aiden Mourn > lol

The rest of the kills were pretty equally as sneaky; a lot of “oh hey sorry for taking your ore, you can totally take it back”-type underhanded stuff.

Eventually, I had to start setting parameters for myself: no noob ships and no characters under 5 days old (totally arbitrary, I know). After all, this was beginning to feel like fishing with dynamite. I eventually made friends with a fellow can-baiting thrill seeker, Urston, and tried for a time to get convince other players they could “take him” (”trust me dude, I ship scanned him…its a terrible blackbird fit”). More fun was to be had with “Manthoos”, who I hesitate to make fun of only because I feel like he might actually be eleven and have both a learning disability and bi-polor disorder. the guy would NOT stop pestering me. It was like an annoying kid brother that keeps coming into your room to ask “whatcha doin?” over and over and OVER again.

Aiden Mourn > yes?
manthoos > hi
Aiden Mourn > What can I do for you?
manthoos > just chatting,
Aiden Mourn > i see
Aiden Mourn > was curious since you were targeting me
manthoos > hey
Aiden Mourn > yeah?
Aiden Mourn > Sorry, doing a couple things at once right now, whats up
manthoos > could i be in your fleet
Aiden Mourn > I’m not in a fleet right now
manthoos > ;(
manthoos > i just attacked a miner im in a pod
Aiden Mourn > ??
Aiden Mourn > did you get concorded?
manthoos > yeah
Aiden Mourn > that was a bad move
manthoos > i know lol
manthoos > i got 5 other ships
Aiden Mourn > you know if youre sec status drops too much, you cant come into high security space
Aiden Mourn > its not so much just about losing ships
manthoos > ooooohhhh
Aiden Mourn > youre at -0.1 now
manthoos > lol thats not good
Aiden Mourn > banished to low sec could be a very bad place to be for a new player
manthoos > noooooooooo
Aiden Mourn > wtf, isnt there a new player experience anymore?
manthoos > what do you mean?
Aiden Mourn > i thought there was some sort of “Welcome to eve, heres how you play” thing that you went through as a new player
manthoos > i hope you die
manthoos > stfu loser
manthoos > modern warefare is the shit i dont need this
Aiden Mourn > Hahaha….are you kidding me?
Aiden Mourn > you hope i die?

*Ok, the”no 5 days or younger” rule was out the window for this clown. I fleeted him.

manthoos > sorry my brother got on while i was eating
Aiden Mourn > i see
Aiden Mourn > as a heads up
Aiden Mourn > telling someone that you “hope they die” in this game is a no no
Aiden Mourn > anything that can be construed as an out of game threat is banable
manthoos > yeah i already talked to him about that lol
Aiden Mourn > fyi
Aiden Mourn > warp to me
manthoos > im here

*he warps into the belt in a pod =/

Aiden Mourn > you should prob be in a ship
Aiden Mourn > what are you planning on doing in a pod?
manthoos > oh yeah i will go back and get my ibis
Aiden Mourn > can you fly anything besides a noob ship?
manthoos > what do u mean can i fly
Aiden Mourn > a ship
manthoos > yes i can fly

*I suddenly realized I had no interest in being this guy’s own personal Eve tutorial

Aiden Mourn > you know what man
manthoos > is concord a noob
Aiden Mourn > i got stuff to do
Aiden Mourn > I dont really have time to teach you how to play this game
Aiden Mourn > google is your friend
Aiden Mourn > peace

*After I left chat, I was laughing with Urston about this guy when I got another fleet invite from him. When I declined, I got another one. After that, yep, another one. Then 5 more. Finally I convoed him again.

Aiden Mourn > what
manthoos > what
manthoos > i have concord and i play this before
Aiden Mourn > you have concord?
Aiden Mourn > what?
manthoos > yes
manthoos > i have a concord
manthoos > the ship
manthoos > hit and run type ship
Aiden Mourn > do you maybe mean a condor?
manthoos > oh lol sorry
manthoos > yes condor
Aiden Mourn > ok
Aiden Mourn > well have fun
manthoos > well let me fly with u then
manthoos > hello
Aiden Mourn > hello
Aiden Mourn > listen man, have fun playing this game
Aiden Mourn > i really dont have time to teach you how to play though, cool?
manthoos > i dont want to be tuahgt i know most of the things, just let me fly with u
manthoos > taught*
Aiden Mourn > you’re a day old character
manthoos > and i play the 14 day trial all the time
manthoos > please
Aiden Mourn > ah i see
Aiden Mourn > so youre a real veteran
manthoos > no

*Que NINE more fleet requests in a row

Aiden Mourn > ffs, stop inviting me
manthoos > well let me fly with u
manthoos > im not a veteran and im not a noob
manthoos > im normal
Aiden Mourn > My friend, you’ve just single-handedly revised my idea of what a noob is
manthoos > how
Aiden Mourn > go have fun
Aiden Mourn > bye

I then received about  23 fleet invites from him, at which point I decided to see if Urston wanted to pop him since I was trying reign-in my noob-killing tendencies. Urston was game, so I convoed Manthoos again. This time, it looks like I’d finally ground him down. Just a “whatever” for a response.

So now, I’m heading back to good ole Dodixie, as we have a war on the horizon with the Deadspace Society Alliance. This would be our second run-in with them, and this one is coming on the heels of a pretty sizable theft of one of their corps’ wallet and hanger, with the help of some, uh…shall we say inside dealings that some of us over at SN may or may not have had a little ninja hand in :). The first DEADS encounter is pretty hilarious stuff, and I highly recommend reading up on it over at My Loot, Your Tears. These guys have a pretty inflated sense of e-honor, so expect some pretty hilarious stories coming up soon. Stay tuned.

o7,

-Aiden

Dear Miners of the Sinq-Laison region,

I want to help you. Really, I do. Although my occasional participation in various ganks, suicides, and “kill the silly miner” contests might seem contrary, I don’t inherently hate miners. I don’t quite understand you, but please understand that my occasional violence projected upon you and your kind is not born out of ignorance. But let’s be honest here, you engage in perhaps the laziest, most risk-free activity in eve. Mining may not be the fastest way to get iskies in this game, but sure as hell is the smoothest. Can you run missions afk in a mammoth for 2 hrs? Can you target someone, click “pirate” and walk away to make a sandwich? Exactly. No glamor for sure, but really no danger either. My point with this is that you have the luxury of participating in a profession that requires about 10 hrs of training to do effectively. Let’s call it a week if we’re talking efficiency. That gives you all the rest of the time in the world to train any other skills you want, and STILL be good at what you do as a profession. However, miners are regarded as lazy, fat, easy targets. You are preyed upon and mocked endlessly, and honestly, its starting to get sad.

So the other day, I decided to out for a little “aggressive interactive social experimentation” amongst the mining systems surrounding Dodixie. Yes, I was can flipping. But no, I don’t really need or want your ore, and no I wasn’t actively trying to bait some poor miner into an easy kill. What I was doing was trying to understand you and the ways you work in an attempt to gain some respect for you. So imagine my dismay when I find myself can-flipping the SAME guy 4 times in under 45 minutes , and then realize he’s a 2006 player. Sir, I’m sorry for the theft of your ore and your time, but you should have been able to utterly waste me with *something*. You’ve had 3 times as long a time in this game as me to train up some serious teeth. Instead, we got to the point where all I had to do was appear on grid and you’d pack up your mining drones, abandon your ore can, and warp to station. That’s just embarrassing! I am embarrased for you because you’ve clearly not been spending your time wisely in Eve. Ok, so you don’t have a lot of combat skills and felt fighting my rifter was a no-win situation. Fine. Then alternately, I would hope that you’d have some big bad mining skills to make up for it. Why were you mining into a jet can? Why aren’t you in a hulk, or hell a retriever by now? That’s like a pirate who hasn’t trained up any propulsion jamming skills, or a mission runner who’s never trained past gunnery 1. Staggering, and totally unacceptable.

The second day of my social experimentation, I was in Auvergne, and came across Jamey. Jamey had decided some time before I arrived on the scene that mining into a jet can for hours, literally hours, without trucking any of it to station was a pretty good idea. In the words of Billy Joel, “sooner or later it comes down to fate, I might as well be the one”. With this altruism in mind, I puttered right up to Jamey’s almost completly full jet can, popped one of my own, and then shifted the contents of his, to mine. As I sat there, unmoving, about 20 meters from Jamey and my new can-full of Jamey’s ore, I saw two thing happen. One, he recalled his mining drones. I thought this meant he was giving up, admitting defeat and retreating, until I saw a trully hodgepodge collection of t1 drones pop out of his covetor. “Noooo” I thought, honestly surprised. Yet sure enough, Jamey suddenly went flashy red to me as his drones started to hurl malice, insults or perhaps pebbles at my hull (because either way it wasn’t actually doing any damage to me). I sighed and shook my head as I scrammed him, went into an orbit around him, and began the very quick task of melting his tank into a nice little wreck. I locked his pod too until I remembered my precarious sec status situation after my recent Orca shenanigans and decided against it (I kind of LIKE being allowed in Dodixie), and allowed Jamey to warp away. Now, here’s where that story should have ended. Sore miner lashes out at can-flipping injustice, goes down swinging to a cheeky and unfortunately better armed oponent. The end. Now HAD that been the end, I very well may have ended my social
experiment right then and there with a much-improved opinion of you guys. But…(yes, there’s a “but’) unfortunately, that was not the case. When I realized how much ore I had, I bought a mammoth in station and went to go grab it. As I was fitting it out with cargo expanders, I suddenly noticed Jamey’s name drop from the station guest list, yet remain in local. I was perplexed; there was still a solid 9 minutes left on the aggression countdown. Intrigued, I put aside my new hauler, jumped back into my rifter and undocked…*just* in time to see Jamey, in ANOTHER covetor, warp off somewhere. On a hunch, I decided to warp back to the scene of the crime. To my surprise (and I’m pretty sure Jamey’s), I came out of warp right on top of his new, yet still flashy red covetor, and proceeded to make another floating pile of scrap right next to the first one. One angry German (Dutch?) evemail later, Jamey logged off.

So here’s the deal-breaker: Jamey is a 2007 player. Not a noob who’s inexperience and ignorance of aggression-timer mechanics I took advantage of. Jamey, in your 2+ years of experience in the art of shooting at inanimate objects in space, has this never happened to you before? There’s no way that I’m the first wake-up call you had. Did it honestly come as surprise to you that loads of ore sitting in an unsecured can in space was easily taken away from you? I’m pretty sure I learned that my first week in eve, and I don’t even mine.

Last example. After re-locating the contents of this astute gentleman’s can in Vylade, I get the following in local:

Dark Malakith > ‘poor noob Aiden
Dark Malakith > ore stealing fail
Aiden Mourn > I’s just a widdle nubin
Aiden Mourn > was I not supposed to take all that ore from you?
Dark Malakith > i play since 2weeks and you think i’ll fall in your trap…. Ho my god you stole 10mn of my mining time
Dark Malakith > in 5mn my corpo ‘ll be there to mine with me perhaps you’ll come another time …..
Aiden Mourn > re-allocated
Aiden Mourn > I re-allocated your time
Aiden Mourn > well let me know when the whole gang arrives
Aiden Mourn > little noobs like me need all the friends they can get =(
Dark Malakith > no problem two minutes they eat and i change my ship to my rupture
Aiden Mourn > like, a mining rupture?
Dark Malakith > no a battle rupture only for you
Dark Malakith > i’m allow to killing you i didn’t let my chance going out to kill a newbie
Aiden Mourn > Yeah wouldnt want to let that golden opportunity slip out the door
Dark Malakith > ho yaeah the third rifter of my day good i’m happy
Aiden Mourn > well, where are you?
Aiden Mourn > ill come to you
Aiden Mourn > Ive never seen a “battle rupture” before
Dark Malakith > in station to fitt my rupture
Aiden Mourn > Right of course
Dark Malakith > you never seen a rupture in action?
Aiden Mourn > Never
Dark Malakith > the best minmatar pvp cruiser
Aiden Mourn > Are they cool?
Dark Malakith > yes lots of
Dark Malakith > only one inconvenient it’s small cargohold
Aiden Mourn > Well, let me know when its ready

What can I say? Now I had the scent of fail-Rupture on the wind and I wanted a piece of it. Clearly, a man who doesn’t bother to check character info or history and considers himself a veteran at 2 weeks is in need of a wake-up call. Que up the Billy Joel again. I tried convoing him and baiting him into a dual but he had to “go for a smoke break” for 35 minutes. I gave up.

And so here we are. Miners of Sinq-Laison: I rally do want to help you. As you can see from the above examples, you’ve sort of earned a bit of a reputation for yourself as that table in the lunch room that no one wants to get stuck eating at if you catch my drift. You’ve become a punch-line of a sad joke; flying punching bags for the majority of the New Eden populace to punish and hurl aggression and insults at. Let me break it down for you: Lazy carebearish activities like mining into a jet can, or flying an untanked 180 mil Hulk in 0.5 space WILL get you stolen from or ganked; its not really a question of “if” at all, its a “when”. And mouthing off at people and coming across as a tool (especially in local) is similarly unacceptable. It makes you look foolish and ignorant and only furthers the generally accepted conception of you as chubby little carebears to poke sticks at. Gentlemen, you’re better than that, or at least I want to believe you are. Have you ever heard of anyone fucking with the coal-miners of the 1800’s? Exactly. Those guys were some hard-core, tough sons of bitches, and all they had were some hammers and a case of the black lung. Start standing up for yourselves! Space is a dangerous place, so learn some defense! Train up some tanking skills or get yourself some respectable drone skills! I know you have it in you, now show the rest of us your teeth. I’ll be see you.

With Respect,

-Aiden Mourn

Going forward with my intent to resuscitate the unholy and fun-filled tradition of The Ninja Salvage Op (see here for original post), and with a good amount of support from other guys in the corp, I led another hilarious and slightly intoxicated ninja-romp through Dodixie this Saturday night. A full 16 ninja’s were in participation this time for round 2 of Aiden’s Fun & Booze-Filled Saturday Night Salvage/Mayhem Op, which proved to be even more awesome than last Saturday’s. This Op was pure, unadulterated, Win. Just for fun (and because I know you’re dying to know), below is a highlights reel of sorts to fill you in on some of the good times:

• *In one guy’s “Worlds Collide” mission, we found a Guristas Overseer, sitting alone amidst a full room of wrecks. When the word went out that overseers have a tendency to drop really, really expensive loot, we decided to pop it. Turns out, what they say about overseers is true, the thing dropped a Snake Epsilon implant, which added about 200-300 mil to the pile.

• *Last Saturday, we were a little dismayed at the lack of mission runners foolish enough to shoot at ninjas. This time, they couldn’t get enough of us. Both myself and Scopique were shot at by a pair of spider-tanking Golems, however neither of us had nearly the amount of DPS nearby that we’d need to actually scratch one of those guys. Cyberin however, got lucky. In a separate WC mission, one Raven pilot decided that shooting at a room full of flashy red ninjas was a good idea. He also decided it was a good idea to STAY IN THE MISSION long enough for Cyberin to slow-boat his way through 2 gates and about 75 km in a Scorpion with no AB on it. With some bumping help from Kahega and MrAugie, Cyb pretty much melted this guy’s tank in seconds.

• *Boomershoot truly takes the “booze-filled” part of “Aiden’s Fun and Booze-filled Sat. Night Salvage/Mayhem Op” to heart, and I for one, love him for it. But rather than turn into a complete mess, Boomer is somehow able to channel and focus his beer-fueled aggression and mischief into a constant tour-de-force in local chat. This guy’s epic innuendo-laced comments, trolling, and general harassment of Dodixie local went on for a solid 2 hours, all WHILE salvaging. It also deserves mention that Boomers the one who brought the overseer to our attention.

• *Two cans found in separate mission-spaces: 1.) “For Ninja’s”. Note the mission runner’s choice to use the possessive rather than the plural form of “ninja”… The can was filled with cap boosters however, so a big “hey thanks for nothing ass” to that future Fulbright scholar. 2.) “Used Butt Plug”. Oddly, this turned out to be full of 7 crappy large armor reppers, so again a big thanks for nothing, although kudos on giving us some very odd results on d-scan

Again, our ninja-antics basically shut down Dodixie as a mission hub after about 4 1/2 hrs of swarming every mission we could find, and the tears ran like wine (three cheers for the guy who started shooting his own corp-mate’s t2 drones rather than let us get our mitts on them!). I’ve decided that unless otherwise stated, I’ll be running this Salvage Op every Saturday night at around 5:30 pm est. If you’re not already in Suddenly Ninjas and all of the above sounds either awesome, exciting, more than slightly tempting, absolutely hilarious, or all of the above, send me an evemail in-game and arrangements could be made to have you as a guest on the next one. I grantee you’ll have a great time.

o7,

-Aiden

P.S. It deserves mention that the total haul for this Saturday’s Op came to 181 mil isk, plus a 250 mil implant, bring us to a very tasty 431 million isk. It’s good to be a ninja.

Logit Probit for CSM4

I’m what you might call “politically active” in RL. Probably more-so than most people actually. I ran a Boston-based call center for the Obama campaign (”oh shit a liberal ninja, now we’re all f*cked!”), I’ve gone to rallies in D.C. for veteran’s rights (got family stationed in Iraq), and I donate regularly to Amnesty International and Save the Music. This is funny considering that when it comes to Eve, I’ve been entirely non-political, giving things like the CSM elections a cursory glance at best. I’m sort of a “highlights reel” kind of guy in that regard, I only pay attention when something jumps out at me (Tchell Dahhn for CSM ‘o8!). However, for some reason this election, as my friend Cyberin put it, “I actually AM interested in the CSM this year”.

Looking at the list of candidates is somewhat depressing at first glance. Of the 49, fully 1/2 of them have either nothing written supporting their candidacy, or a pathetic 1-liner generally stating something like “I love Eve so u shuld vote 4 me!”. Actually, lets take a look at one of the more utterly lame and totally non-committal platforms of one of the candidates:

“I’d like to make Eve a better experience for all of us no matter where you play or how you spend your time in-game. Vote for me and I’ll represent you, whoever you are.”

- Helen Highwater, a.k.a Iain Compton

Dear Helen, please grow a spine and figure out something to stand for and we’ll see you next year. Its almost like the assumption is that his competition’s platform will be “I HATE Eve and want to make it a crappier experience for everyone involved”. Pass; next.

“In tangingle terms I am strongly in favor of emergent or dynamic mission structures, detailed and highly diversified ship crews, radically in favor of ambulation (as well as adding in-game content and options inside the context of ambulation), diversified subscription systems, a lot more in terms of investment potential, interactivity between players outside of ship combat (for instance : political struggles, espionage, covert ops, sabotage, infiltration, NPC followers, real estate), adding a lot more objects and structures in space, opening literally anything for access to ambulation, making systems more plausible in terms of current astronomical understanding (and still increasing graphic depiction and exciting scenery), create “A-Life” type expansion dynamics in NPC factions, allow players to hire NPC’s to do mining, expand eve into new platform or interfaces.”

-Daugar Draaken, a.k.a Ruud Dirven

PERIODS. LEARN THEM. USE THEM. Also, I’m curious as to what exactly is tangible about a platform that calls for redesigning the ENTIRE GAME from the ground up. Don’t get me wrong, some of that actually sounds cool, but lets drop the big-word thesaurus for a second and actually think of some ideas that could relevantly benefit the player-base at large in the current manifestation of the game. Here’s a couple more that fall into the “you fail” category:

“Do you ever dream about the former glory days of EVE when space was vast and unknown? Do you ever feel like EVE is just mIRC with 3D enviroment? If you do, vote me, Admiral IceBlock, the only independent candidate AFAIK. But shit, what do I know?”

-Admiral IceBlock, a.k.a. Alf Jaran Karlsen

Good fucking question IceBlock. I actually asked the same thing when I read this crap.

“Trust me, I’m an expert.”

-Mrs Trzzbk, a.k.a. Asher Dratel

“No, I wont. And no, you’re not.”

Pretty much all of the remaining 25 that DO have something to say about actual issues of concern, redundantly revolve around 3 basic ideas: “make mission running safer and easier”, “make mining safer and easier”, or “make pirating easier” (1/2 props to the pirates for not whining to make their trade “safer” =/ ).

However, there’s one candidate that stood out as someone of substance with something to say that that struck a chord in me; Logit Probit, a.k.a Joseph Cera. From his webpage:

“The ’sandbox’ nature of EvE is what makes the game fun, and I’ll work to preserve a minimalist ruleset at every opportunity. I will represent the voices of highsec pirates, ninja-salvagers, industrial gankers, miner killers. These groups have never been adequately represented on CSMs, which have been dominated by 0.0-types, lowsec pirates, industrial/market types, and PvE carebears. Those of us that participate in “criminal” activities in high security space know that every time CCP buffs CONCORD or lowers the learning curve in response to whining and pressure the carebears, EvE loses a little bit of what makes it unique and awesome.”

Someone buy this man a beer. This guy “gets it”, and I fully intend to throw my vote behind him. I know what it looks like: “a ninja salvaging griefer voting for a ninja salvaging griefer…wow, never saw that coming”. But in all honesty, Probit’s choice of profession hasn’t got a lot to do with my decision to vote for him. Hell, he could honestly be a full-time mission runner and I’d still vote for him because of his unabashed outlook on the game, which is that the WHOLE POINT of it is that you can do almost literally anything you want. And yes, this includes both sides of the line. You can run missions or attack asteroids with lasers to your hearts content, OR you can gank and steal from said missioners and miners if thats what you want to do. The unique nature of Eve’s sandbox structure is EXACTLY what makes this game so amazing

Yet candidate after candidate wants to legitimize their own carebearish laziness by getting a seat in the CSM from which they can pontificate their warped ideas of what a sandbox game is all about. Now this one in particular made my blood absolutely boil:

“Ladies and gentlemen. Being the greatest ever player from the Caribbean, very near the island of Jamaica, and no not any of those sissy virgin islands. I announce my candidacy for the 4th CSM. My campaign drive? Who cares for the carebears? Are you a carebear? Or a casual player? Do you just play eve for fun? Do you just want to be left to alone to mine in hi-sec with your hulk and afk your freighter and hauler without worries? Well I hear your cries. As your representative I will push CCP to give you tools to protect your enterprises better. Keep you safer from those nasty griefers who wardec 5 man corps with 50 people and ask them to pay unfair ransoms. Think about all that hauling you could do in your freighter or hauler while afk. Imagine not having someone come into your missions and steal your salvage, no more ninja salvaging. in a nutshell. I will help protect you from -suicide ganking -salvage stealers and ninja salvaging -keep your peaceful corp safe from terrible pvpers. Suicide ganking is a major issue my carebear friends, go to any gate leading near to market hubs, especially .5 gates and there are so many gankers on these gates the competition is so high. Even the poor miners in high sec can’t mine in their faction hulks because there are those who don’t gank for profit but just to reap your tears. Mission runner– yes I am talking to you, when was the last time you ran a mission in a hub without having some guy come in and take all your salvage? And the worst part being you can’t do anything about it. Peaceful corps, I am talking to you, how do you feel being wardecced by advanced players and given un meetable ransom demands? Haulers of massive and valuable cargo, how do you feel having to spend 4 hours to warp to every gate at 0, just to go 20 jumps with your precious cargo? And still not be guaranteed to make it. Freighters are being shot down left and right, it only takes 20 insured battleships to do it. Carebears, self proclaimed or not, peaceful players, casual players, players who just want to play their game and be left alone. Unite. I will be your voice crying out from the ground to CCP. thank you.”

-Aaron Mirrorsaver, a.k.a. Justin Malcolm Patrick Sampson

Dear players of Eve; I will personally pay 20 million isk for Aaron Mirrorsaver’s frozen corpse. I am completely serious. Contact me here or in-game with this guy’s corpse and I’ll give you 20mil. He is the living and breathing manifestation of everything I hate and despise in this game and I’m almost disturbed by the degree in which reading this makes me want to repeatedly pod this guy with extreme prejudice.

High-sec griefers and pirates are a unique bunch in Eve, in that what they’re (we’re) doing is ACTUALLY an illegal activity. There’s no lack of law-enforcement and it requires an intimate knowledge and understanding of game mechanics, aggression timers, and security status. Also, its not like CCP has made it easy to do any of this as Aaron here would have you believe. Like he said, it does take twenty battleship-capable pilots willing to drop their sec status a couple notches to gank a freighter. Which is completely do-able, though not exactly easy per say. And here Aaron is crying about not being able to afk freighter-jump across the entire galaxy. Cry me a fucking river pal. It takes hard work and actual effort to get what you want out of Eve. If you’re so lazy that you can’t be bothered to actually DO the flying required to transport your “precious cargo”, either contract it out or find another profession in the game. Better idea, find a nice single-player game to play instead.

I’m rambling now. But its rampant carebearishness like this that irritates me to no end. Its also why I do what I do in Eve, and coincidentally, its why I will be casting all my votes with Logit Probit for CSM4. I hope you’ll do the same.

o7,

-Aiden Mourn

Member of The Sandbox Preservation Party

By now, virtually the entire Eve community has heard about what happened the other night in Providence. The CVA alliance was very suddenly and abrubtly disbanded and robbed blind. At first thought to be the work of a Goonswarm mole or disgruntled director in the same fashion in which BoB was taken down, allegations soon followed of account-hacking. *Sigh*, drumroll please! Aaaand que forum-drama, aaaaaaaand ACTION!

In reading the Eve-O forum thread on this, I’ve realized there are multiple arguments about radically different ideas going on here. It’s not as cut and dry as “CVA was disbanded al la BoB from the inside, are you for or against this”. With CCP’s revalation that there is indeed evidence of account hacking, this becomes two distinctly different discussions. Discussion #1 revolves around the issue of corporate espionage and theft, while discussion #2 concerns out-of-game Real Life crime and offense. I’ll address these individually.

Concernng issue 1; I am whole-heartedly supportive of the idea of  Corp infiltration and the like. Actually, I think its one of the more ingenious and unique aspects of Eve. On the above-mentioned forum thread, there seems to be a lot of whining about needing new rules that prevent a single individual from lying and worming their way up to the top of a Corp and then disbanding and/or economically crippling it. The usual weepy carebear complaints ensue: “Whaaa, CCP needs to make new rules against this!!” or “This needs to be addressed! It’s an exploit!” or my all-time personal favorite, “It’s not fair!!”. *Ahem*, to my furry carebear friends out there: you’re right! There should be a rule to prevent this sort of thing from happening to a Corp. But you know, actually, come to think of it…there already IS a rule out there to prevent this! And that rule is “Less Fail”.

Seriously, this is not hard guys. Want a good method of preventing some sneaky prick (read: totally rad and seriously awesome guy I want to be friends with) from breaking into your Corp wallet and assets and robbing you blind? DON’T LET HIM. Even when it comes to huge mega-corps/alliance like CVA, there’s really no need for more than three or four people to have access to anything important. To me this just seems like common sense I guess (albiet “comon sense” and “carebears” are two words that rarely do find themselves at the same party).

Corporate infiltration and gross theft is fascinating to me, and I find myself reading and re-reading the famous ones over and over again. Haargoth and BoB, Guiding Hand Social Club, E.I.B.; these amaze and intruige me. Call it underhanded, spiteful, a dick move…whatever you want. But someone cunning and diabolically sneaky enough to get themselves into a position of power to then abuse it using legal game mechanics is a genius in my book. And if doing that took a long-con approach, I tip my hat even more. That my friends is sociopolitical savvy at it’s finest. Let’s be honest, alts probably make up a quarter of the population of Eve, at least. And not all of them are catalyst-flying mission-salvaging alts with painfully unimaginative names (ie “Mr. Moz” and his super-secret salvaging alt, “Mrs. Moz”…Morrissey-references aside, dude…really?) if you get my drift.

The other subject of debate is the idea (edit: now knowledge) that one of CVA’s directors’ account’s was hacked, allegedly by ISK sellers. Now, ok, plausible enough explanation. Account hacking does happen, especially when it comes to creditcard-fishing ISK sellers. Although that said, was this attack targeted specifically at CVA, or did some ISK seller hit the jackpot when they cracked open some random account and found themselves with the keys to the CVA kingdom?

Personally, for the record, I find both isk-buying/selling and account hacking deplorable and deserving of a life-ban from Eve, if not criminal charges. ISK buying/selling because it undermines the entire spirit of the game, and account hacking because it’s taking things a giant step too far. Let’s not forget folks, this here is a GAME, and to push arguements or disagreements into the realm of real life is breaking the fourth wall so to speak. If taking your anger and agresssion out on a character in Eve crosses over into taking anger and agression out  on the actual person behind the character, you’re doing it wrong. Also, you should probably find something better to do with you time than Eve.

TL;DR version:

Ninjas; totally down with spying, infiltration, theft, and generally sneaky and devious behavior. NOT down with acount-hacking, isk buying/selling, and other shit-headed actions that undermine the fact that this is a game we all love.

Keep it sneaky folks.

o7,
-Aiden

Edit: CCP has announced that due to the fact that this WAS a hack, and therefor a breach of legal game-mechanics, the disbanding of the CVA alliance will be reversed. As of downtime tonight, CVA will be returned to active alliance status. Meanwhile, the rest of us can go on not really being phased by the e-melodrama that has and will probably continue to play out in the far corners of 0.0 space that no one really goes to anyways =P.

I realized I never followed up with the outcome of the whole orca-windfall. I ended up selling the rigged Orca back to Jackal Lord, minus of course everything inside, for 1 billion isk, and oh were there tears. Lots of them. However,  instead of the usual head-shakingly misspelled, emo-raging bear-rant type tears that I love publicly mocking, these were just, well, sad. Sad like a kicked puppy sad (ex: “I am at your mercy” =/), and as such, I really just can’t bring myself to post them here. Losing over 2 billion isk because of your own foolishness is pretty hardcore (especially after the revelation that it wasn’t all his….ouch), so Jackal Lord, you’re off the hook compadre. Fly a little safer next time. Total haul came out to be a little less than the actual market/contract worth of the loot, but that said, I’m very happily 2.2 billion iskies richer at the moment and not exactly inclined to complain. If anyone is interested, I still do have a Gallente Navy Comet and a Centus X-type Armor Explosive Hardener for sale. Meanwhile, I’ve had my alt out daily searching for another orca…stay tuned.

o7,

-Aiden

Really, I couldn’t put this better myself if I tried, so I’m linking you to Velocity Prime’s blog for the awesome write-up. To all the ninjas, thieves, salvagers, and carebear hunters out there…raise your glass for a toast. Keep em crying gentleman.

o7,

-Aiden Mourn