I found myself craving revenge for the first time in years today. It concerns me greatly that such an irrational thought would enter my mind. I know very well that I can ill afford to feel such things, especially at this particular juncture in my life. As a capsuleer with a hotheaded Minmatar crew, the moment I loose sight of my objectives and allow emotion to lead my commands is the exact moment I will loose all restraint.
And I will not go back to that.
I’m done with the Rebellion. I’m done with the terrorism. I’m done with the murder, the sabotage and all the brutality that went hand in hand with fighting our “just war” against the Amarr. I know I was lucky to leave with some portion of my soul intact, and should I return to the bloody days of my youth, I know that I’ll loose even that.
But even as I try to focus my abilities towards strengthening the Sebiestor clan, and with it the Republic, I still find myself coming across new evidence of the old Amarr threat. Slavers still invade our tribal space, putting less defended colonies at risk. Amarrian spies infiltrate our stations and poison our people with their deliberate deceit.
Today it was one of our own. A politician of no little standing that had done a great deal for the Republic. A man that had presented countless historical conservation inatives in order to better protect our past, and in the eyes of many, represented the very best of us. It sickens me to think that I actually voted for the bastard.
I saw red when the newscast went out. My God, how my hands itched to fix themselves around his traitorious neck. I thought of all the methods I know of how to break a man, all the torture techniques I had learned from days within the Rebellion… I would have destroyed that man had I been given half the chance, and taken great delight in doing so. I find myself feeling extremely relieved that the fate of such a criminal lies in the hands of the Republic courts rather than my own. The places this situation has taken me were ones that I had thought I’d locked away long ago.
And still, some quiet part of me, asks if slaughtering the pig would have really been so wong.
hellaciouslady